Contentment Isn't the Answer to Singleness

"It was when I finally felt content in my singleness that I found the perfect someone. The timing couldn't have been more perfect."

"Once I stopped looking, it just happened."

"Be happy and content with where you are. The rest will come."

I've been told these things by well-meaning people before, and the theory behind these thoughts has always confused me. For, although they sound sweet and solid, underneath this logic is a huge monster of discontentment mascaraing as contentment.

What these kinds of thoughts are saying is that feeling content about singleness will solve my singleness. Pursuing this kind of remedy for a disappointed heart treats contentment as a magical cure for the "disease" of singleness. Contentment is more like an avenue to get what I want than a beautiful place of peace.

The truth is, contentment isn't the answer to singleness. Being content about being single won't solve my problems. It won't erase all of my desires. It certainly won't get me a relationship in the next couple of days.

The answer to singleness is not about how we feel about being single. In fact, I dare say that there is no "answer" at all.

Rather, we are called to bring all of our questions and desires and disappointments to the Lord and dwell in Christ. 

When I'm content in Jesus, I'm happy to be with Jesus. I'm happy to serve Him, know Him, and follow Him. I'm content in Jesus while I'm single. I'll be content in Jesus if I'm not single. My contentment isn't in singleness but in Christ. 

This past weekend, I led a DNOW, and one of the questions in our study was "what does it mean to be in Christ?" When preparing for the study, I had to pause and think for a spell about this one.

In Christ. I say this phrase a lot, but what does it mean? What does it reveal about God and about how I respond to Him?

I started looking up verses that say "in Christ." As it turns out, there are quite a few instances of "In Christ" in the Bible, 89 to be exact. Here are a few:

In Christ there is life. (Romans 6:11)

In Christ there is grace. (2 Timothy 1:9)

In Christ we are one. (Galatians 3:28)

In Christ we are blessed with every spiritual blessing (Ephesians 1:3)

In Christ we put our hope. (Ephesians 1:12)

In Christ we are created for good works. (Ephesians 2:10)

In Christ God forgave us. (Ephesians 4:32)

In Christ there is peace. (Philippians 4:7)

In Christ there is fullness. (Colossians 2:10)

In Christ we will be persecuted. (2 Timothy 3:12)

In Christ there is glory. (1 Peter 5:10)

Oh, contentment is such a small response to these truths! In Christ we have new life, new hope, new identity, and so much more. In Christ there is glory, peace, grace, forgiveness, and purpose. 

This is extravagant! This is joyous. This is worthy of all our adoration, much less our contentment. 

In Christ we can be fully content while also being fully single, not because we no longer desire to find romantic love but because we are saturated with the divine love of Christ flowing through us and in us. Not because we don't face disappointments in life, but because we have put our hope in the One who never disappoints. 

This is not to say that being single will be fun and easy when we are fully living in Christ. Nowhere does the Bible say that "in Christ all of your problems will go away." However, in Christ we can trust God with our desires and disappointments and move forward with purpose and strength from God. In Christ we are free not to serve singleness or feelings but rather be rooted in love for God and others. 

I try not to write much about relationships and singleness because a lot has already been said on the subject and I am rather inexperienced in this playing field. Funnily enough, though, the one time I do sit down to write about singleness, it turns out to mostly be about Jesus.

I wouldn't have it any other way.


P.S. if you want to think more about how to serve God in whatever stage of relationship you find yourself in, check out Ben Stuart's sermon series about relationships, later turned into a book called "Single, Dating, Engaged, Married." I've listened to the first few sermons, and they have sparked so much passion in me for God's kingdom!


  1. Oh my goodness, yes!! This is perfect. Thanks for sharing, because I hadn't thought of it quite this way before. I'm so inspired by your heart for Jesus. xx

  2. Hannah, your posts always hit me in the heart at the exact right time. These lines, wow:

    "The answer to singleness is not about how we feel about being single. In fact, I dare say that there is no "answer" at all. Rather, we are called to bring all of our questions and desires and disappointments to the Lord and dwell in Christ."

    It's just all about finding contentment and the fullness of life in Him, no matter what. I really have been seeing that more and more in my own life, even through bringing Him the messy parts of me. Loved this post and will 100% be checking out the book you recommended! <3

  3. Oh, I love this. I love your heart. <3

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