Warming up in the wings

A wonderful woman and stage help snapped the two pictures above

The music started. The curtain opened.

When I saw the audience and knew that my little dancers and I held their attention and awe, confidence built up in me. I led them on in the simple steps, smiling at them as many times as I could and enjoyed the huge applause that followed, for my little class that did so well!

And then I got to show those watching what I could do as I performed my solo, but more than that, I got to show myself what I could do.

I should have felt nervous because of the fear following me around all day, but I spent too much energy enjoying myself to feel nervous. I flashed a smile at the audience and performed the movements, which by now felt like second nature (except these movements were by no means second nature to execute). The releves (the motion of going from standing on the whole foot to going up on the toes, and, for my case, doing this movement mostly on one foot 28 times in a row) didn't scare me anymore, and I danced to the audience, knowing that I could do it.

I did do it.

And it felt wonderful. 

My beautiful mother captured the following photos. Above, a friend (right) and I (left) throw out legs in the air.

I always expect to remember the applause more than I do. Instead, as I bowed, I captured the moment of personal joy that I did my dance, that I loved it, and that I could go out and do it again in just a moment.

The final pose the the pointe piece. (I pose second to the left.)

The next dance with four girls felt much the same. Excited about how the first piece went, I jumped (quite literally) into this dance with a huge smile, which only grew bigger as I nailed the difficult steps. At one point, the audience started clapping during the dance as we performed a challenging turning combination, and that only made me smile more!

Our contemporary-ish piece made me feel like flying!

Quickly, I stripped from my second costume and into my grey costume for the contemporary ballet piece. After the previous two pieces, this one felt much easier, safer, more fun. All of the dancers exchanged hushed encouragement and excited remarks as we went onstage and waited for the curtain to open.

But I forgot to reapply the rosin. 

We pose in the moonlight. (I stand in the front far right.)

Rosin, for those who don't know, is a substance that helps pointe shoes not to slip on the stage; it provides friction, not to mention security. The stage, as discussed in the previous post, slid much more than usual and caused me much anxiety, but I forget the rosin this time around.

The dance started slowly, with emotion and lulling notes. I let myself get lost in the mood of awakened joy, letting the movements carry me to another place. It can't get much better than this!

SPLAT. 

I fell.

Let's not say how long it took for us to get this spacing. (I bend backwards on the far right in this photo.)

During the simplest of movements, my foot slid on the stage, and before I processed what happened, I got right back up and danced into the next movement, smiling even bigger and feeling the music even more than before, determined not to let the fall shake me up. We finished the dance with a slow fade and hurried backstage for one more costume change, but one thought kept popping back up.

I fell.

But, because of something outside of myself, something I knew was Jesus, I didn't feel upset. Others offered condolences and encouragement, but I just smiled and said that I knew my identity didn't dwell in my performance tonight. I remembered when I prayed in the morning, saying that I trusted God no matter what happened, and I actually felt joy that a trial came my way and I just rolled out of the fall. Maybe God would use this to help others see Him more clearly!

This piece was hilarious! (Again, I pose on the far right.)

We went on stage one more time to perform the optical illusion piece. I really can't explain it to you, but let's just say that the audience loved it! Although we couldn't smile, a laugh tugged at my lips the whole time!

Before I wanted to leave the stage, our performance ended and we went into the lobby to thank those who came to see us. By then, the knowledge that I fell sunk deeper into my thoughts of the performance, and I disliked that people would think of me as the girl who fell, but I also loved that people would remember me as the Elsa ballerina. Little girls and friends surrounded me and complemented me but a seed of disappointment grew in me. I resisted it for a while, but on my way to eat dinner, I couldn't stop it.

"I wish that I didn't fall," I told my mom.

My trust in Jesus faltered as I gave way to the doubts, wondering if I truly could dance. What if I had been more on my leg, more cautious? What would people think of my performance now? This disappointment filled me, even though I knew than even my fall could give God the glory. Instead of focusing on that, though, I focused on me and what I felt, and this new focus only robbed me of my joy and robbed God of glory in my thoughts.

Late in the evening, I again remembered God's provision and enough-ness, and the doubts left me. Time healed the disappointment, and logic comforted my doubts. This fall could have happened to anyone because of the slippery floor, but it happened to me, and I chose to believe that God led that event to teach me something. As I looked back on the day, I felt proud of Jesus, for Jesus brought me through the fear and gave me so much joy in dancing my best. But Jesus also lifted me up from a fall and showed me that He truly is enough, even in the storms. Because I fell on stage, I learned so much. I have a story to tell now, a story of how putting faith in Jesus never fails even when the world or circumstances do fall.

So I encourage you, right where you are, whether you are going through a wonderful part of life, full of applause, or whether you just fell down and don't know what to do. I encourage you to put your trust in Jesus, because, as I discovered at my recital, He is enough no matter what and can make joy come out of any fall. 

Comment below what keeps you going through the rises and falls of life. And thank you so much for reading!

Princess Hannah

 I realize, though, that most people reading this never experienced the thrill and chaos of a ballet recital, so today I want to give you the insider's view to the goings on of ballet performances. I will show you the mess and the beauty, the work and the joy! Come with me as I relive such a wonderful day!

Something about entering in through the back door of the theater and dumping my bags in the dressing room excites me and makes me feel like the day begins. I make myself at home at my place in front of the mirror, which basically means that I throw my stuff everywhere. But no one minds, because everyone else's stuff covers their space too.


Recital day for me takes up the whole day. Because it costs money to rent the stage for rehearsal, we always do stage rehearsal and the performance on the same day, the same very long and wonderful day. The little dancers practice first, but this didn't mean that I get to relax and warm up, not a chance. Since I teach the little girls (and boy), I helped them learn how to dance to the audience.


 I must say that I pride myself in the pieces that I choreographed for the little dancers. First, they wear white as Elsa's little creations and I lead them in a dance to Piano Guys Let it Go (see this post to read more about this). They run off waving their arms in front of them and I stay on, commanding the audience to look at me.

Then I perform my variation, my solo.

The first run through of my variation as Elsa scarred me. You see, dancers have a special relationship with the floor. Yes, I know that sounds weird, but hear me out. Everything that we do grounds itself on the floor, every jump, slide, and turn relies on the floor and can change depending on the floor. A slippery floor makes turning more risky. A bumpy floor makes moving across harder. A sticky floor makes movements feel weighted. The floor means a lot to a dancer, and yesterday, the floor and I did understand each other, for the floor wanted to slip and slide but I just wanted to do ten turns across it and not fall!

But after rehearsing the little class' tap number, my group pointe piece, the contemporary ballet piece, and the optical illusion piece, the floor and I begin to get along a bit more. Rosin, a substance that we spread across our shoes, covers my pointe shoes and makes my grip on the stage more secure, and I leave the stage feeling a bit better about the fast-approaching performance.

But we still have over an hour before it starts.

So what do I do?

I put on lots of make up.


Eat a snack,


Stretch.


Walk around backstage.


And visit with my friends. We all talk giddily about our nerves and excitement. The group of girls that I danced with this year just make my smile! We work together seamlessly and just like to hang out with each other! I believe that the people make the show. Our ballet family brings the magic to the day, and that shows through our dancing.


Before I know it, only half an hour remains until Recital begins.

This is where the panic comes in. All of the things that I put off pile up and I rush through my warm up, change into costume, and apply last minute make up. Thirst comes upon me at the thought that in just ten minutes I will open the show with Let it Go and my variation. I keep running in place to warm up my legs, and I generously apply rosin to my feet. Before I feel ready, there I stand, right behind the curtain, listening to the Nation Anthem. My little class stands in first position behind me, and my teachers stand in front of me. Everyone looks ready, but why will these nerves never leave me.

What if I fall?

What if I don't do my best?

What if?

I breath in and remember what I prayed about this morning, that today I will not let fear steal the joy of dancing in Jesus' hand. I know that my identity doesn't rely on this performance, and that God gave my a talent to use for His glory, a talent that I get to use right now. I can either chose nerves or joy, but I don't have long to decide.

"Jesus," I pray. "I chose joy. I chose to have fun in this next hour. I chose you."

The National Anthem ends and my music starts. Then, slowly, the curtain opens and my time begins.

Recital starts.

Stay tuned next for the next post about the show and what Jesus taught me though this year's recital! And comment below about any rituals you have before a big day! Love you guys! 

Princess Hannah

I love beautiful things. I realized that about myself years ago, and nothing has changed. Vintage outfits, pastel cakes, blooming roses, and smiling babies all light up my heart. But this part of me also translates into something else: I hate truely ugly things.

Now I don't mean ugly as the way we often use the term, but ugly as in something abhorred, something contrary to how God made the world, and occasionally a really prominent pimple. Anyway, around three years ago I learned an ugly fact that changed my life.

Over 27 million people live in slavery.

Image from the A21 Campaign edit mine

Enough people to fill each professional football stadium 12 times cannot escape the dark rooms and aching backs of slavery. What equals to the population of Texas also equals the number of human beings forced to work for another human being, without hope for escape.

27 million.

That's ugly. And that's not okay with me.

Ever since I learned of this problem, I couldn't not think about it. I believe that God placed it on my heart to be a freedom fighter, to, even in small ways, advocate beauty in this ugly situation. I've spoke about it in front of people, promoted it, gave money towards it, and researched it. I won't exaggerate and say that I think about it all day, and nor have I gone beyond what I do for other things that I feel excited about, although I wish that I did. Instead, I've prayed a short prayer every day and given money to be hope for those with none. I tell others about this catastrophe in hopes that they too will join me in the fight for freedom, the fight for restored beauty.

And that's why I write this post. I want to help you to fight for freedom, even in small ways, and this all starts with knowing the problem. But I can't tell you the ugliness of this problem as well as Katja, a rescued victim of modern-day slavery.

Darkness descended yesterday.

Okay, the power just went out, after flickering for a while. Not quite as epic as a dystopian adventure, but different nonetheless. The gusts of rainy wind eventually toppled our system of electricity all around, causing blackness and stillness.

But I didn't even flinch, I just kept checking my Instagram account, turning on my phone's flashlight after a while so that my eyes didn't just see the bright little screen. I almost felt pride in myself, that this didn't bother or excite me, for only little girls get excited about the lights going out, and I am almost 18!

But then something hit me. I was missing out on the fun! Seriously, I don't even remember but one of the photos that I saw on Instagram, but what happened next, I remember clearly.

It's been a couple of weeks since I did one of these, so here are Five Fantabulous Favorites that I discovered (or rediscovered) recently:

I still remember watching Narnia: The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe for the first time, years ago, and befriending Lucy Pevensie, more than befriending her, becoming her. For Lucy showed faith in the things unseen, strength beyond that expected, and hope even in dark times. She embodies innocence and playfulness, yes, but also determination and nobleness, and I wanted that. I connected with Lucy, and so, following her lead, I believed. I believed in Narnia, in things beyond, and in adventure. In fact, with my eyes closed and heart focused I opened my closet doors to enter into Narnia, willing all doubts to leave me, for I believed. I believed in Narnia.



Although I didn't step into Narnia that night, I found it more and more in the world around me, whether in the the snore of a cat, the truths of God's Word, the beauty of the world, or the wonder of stories. I didn't know it, but Narnia came to me in these things, little and big!

But as I grew up and took on more responsibility the Lucy in me faded to Susan. Now, I love Susan too, but she easily lost sight of the sight of the wonder and didn't look beyond reality; schedules, practicality, the seen, and the known clouded her vision, causing her to miss all of the magic around her. When Lucy tells her about Narnia, Susan turns away. Even upon entering Narnia, Susan just wants to go back where she feels safe and in control. And just so, I stopped opening my closet door to go to Narnia and started opening it only to see which clothes I would wear that day. I didn't choose to look for Narnia anymore, because I wanted what felt safe and controllable, and face it, whatever Narnia is, it is not controllable. The belief in a life bigger than this time never quite left, but I didn't feel it and wonder at it as much anymore.

After watching Narnia again tonight, though, I've realized these things in a joyous way! For during the first part of the movie, my mind and emotions tried to rob me of my joy by reminding me of the to-do lists undone and early mornings to come. The Susan in me talked over the magic around me, planning, sighing, and even crying.

But as the movie continued, I prayed. I gave to God, the God who holds the world, my worries, and I focused on Him who made laughter, beauty, and stories. The story Lewis crafted pulled me in as I tried to comprehend what it meant, how it portrayed Jesus' sacrifice for me. And I re-met my inner Lucy Pevensie.

You see, I want to live like Lucy Pevensie. I want to walk with Jesus, even when no one believes me. I want to fight for His kingdom with strength like and from the Lion. I want to see beyond the here and now and feel the moments of joy underneath the surface of life. I want to be strong, innocent, playful, forgiving, and believing. And this can only happen when I let Jesus' grace and magic pour over me and blanket me with its love and truth. This can only happen when I let go of trying to do everything and let God be for me. The can only happen when I trust that I can find Narnia even in the early mornings, wondrous moments, and stressful days. Because Narnia is everywhere, if only we choose to live like Lucy Pevensie and look for it.

Join me as I look for Narnia all around me. Join me as I live like Lucy Pevensie, the girl who opened a wardrobe and found an adventure. Join me as I trust in Jesus and fight for His cause with strength that didn't come from me.

For I believe, I believe that Narnia is all around us.

"When Aslan said you could never go back to Narnia, he meant the Narnia you were thinking of. But that was not the real Narnia. That had a beginning and an end." (Professor Digory Last Battle, Ch. 16)

Princess Hannah

I know what you're thinking: okay Hannah, a party lifestyle? That seems a bit ungodly, not gracefully creative. Hear me out, though, because these two words probably don't mean what you think they mean.

You see, when I grew up, my three younger sisters and I always loved to make our ordinary days special. It didn't have to be a holiday or birthday for us to decide that today, we party. We would dress up the dining room like an Italian restaurant and serve Mommy and Daddy spaghetti. We would pretend that the living room was a theater and require tickets to watch the night's movie. We would hold circuses and plays, musicals and fashion shows. We lived, although we didn't know it by these words, a party lifestyle.

Party Lifestyle: Making daily events special by using creativity and laughter (desserts optional but highly recommended)

The circus holds a special place in my heart; we did "magic tricks", funny things, and more!

And just in case you still don't know about this party lifestyle thing, let me remind you that Jesus knew how to party. No, he did not practice the kind of party that we think of today as partying, but can we really assume that the guy who created barrels of wine for a wedding, constantly ate at nice dinners, and threw possibly the biggest picnic in the world didn't know how to make people laugh and use the things around him for joy and community? I don't think so. Jesus laughed, so let's follow Jesus' lead and laugh with him in the everyday things of life. Let's live a party lifestyle. 

So, how does a party lifestyle work? By reading the above definition, a party lifestyle works by deciding that today is going to be fantabulous (see the definition of this word as well as five fantabulous things on this recent post of mine). A party lifestyle requires one to think outside of the box as to what would make a normal day extraordinary. Should you dress up as princesses and hold a tea party with your cousins? What about you gather up some neighborhood kids and make a lemonade stand complete with posters and flyers? You could transform movie night at your house by dressing the house like the movie watched (and maybe even dressing yourselves up as well). The options end with your imagination, which is why I classify this as everyday creativity, because without a little creativity, then the living room won't turn into Dumbledore's office and the dining room won't look like a Mexican restaurant. Without a little special thinking, you won't perform your own soap opera or reenact American Idol. (I've done all of the examples listed, by the way. I know the party lifestyle.) 
 

For my sisters' 12th birthday, we reenacted the second Harry Potter book, Polyjuice Potion and all!

And so I challenge you to make normal days parties by adding just a bit of flair. And to spark some creativity and ideas, I have provided, my favorite, a list: 

1. Transform your dining room into a restaurant for dinner. Make the menus, decorate, play some music, and serve the food to your family or friends. My family has done Italian, Mexican, French, Chic, Country, and more, and I have the menus to prove it! 

This is an old one, complete with misspellings and markers!

2. Hold a tea party. Get out the china, lace, and real flowers, and don't forget: pinkies up! We always hold a tea party when my Nana comes in town, even though I'm almost graduating! 

3. Perform a skit. This is my favorite one! We like to write our own skits, but I've seen a lot on the internet too. Pick one out, grab some costumes, and don't forget the video camera! 

4. Compete in your own Cupcake Wars. If you don't know about the show, it requires several teams of bakers to bake cupcakes using two to three items out of a pile of difficult ingredients. Doing this brought much laughter/floured hands/tasty cupcakes!

5. Sell lemonade and homemade goodies to the neighborhood. I helped my younger sisters and their neighborhood friends do this a couple of times, and making the items, promoting the business, and watching them make more money than they should have produces smiles all around! 

Let's just say we baked a lot this day...

 

*Make a trip down memory lane. We plan on having a "kids again" day sometime soon where we do all of the things that we did when we were younger, frozen pizza, Barbies, the-ground-is-lava, and all! 

These things and more can make memories that you will treasure forever. I may not remember all of my birthdays and Fourth of Julys, but I remember when we put on a circus for Mom and Dad and when we reenacted the first Harry Potter book for my sisters' 11th birthday. These things will last forever, these normal days and special days where we decided to party. 

Comment below your favorite party lifestyle idea as well as any party lifestyle days you've put on. And what post out of the Everyday Creativity series did you enjoy most? I love to hear what you have to say, and I reply to every comment! 

Princess Hannah